HER INDOORS

So the wife, husband, boyfriend, grilfriend don't like the footy? What to do? How can you survive an entire month of trying to keep her happy and watch the football too? How will she be able to cope with getting blanked for hours upon hours every day.
Don't forget in this global finacial crisis, it's not like we're all swimming in green either is it? So a nice dress, shopping spree, holiday is not a likely option.
And what if you've got kids? Fuck, that's a tough one.
Well don't panic, Uncle Rancey is here to sort it aaaaaaatttt!
Firstly, the kids can go and stay with Grandma, because Grandad will be with you watching the football anyway, he'll be on the lash, puffing on the snouts that he told her indoors he quit years ago and quite likely sharing a nose bag and then trying to tempt you to go halfs on a brass. My Dad's a bad man. So that's the nipper sorted.
The wife, well, she can go and fuck it. You do everything for her anyway, so if she moans, clobber the fucker in the mush with a right hook, and if she gives you any more grief, give her a shoeing when she's down, she wont get up after that, not at least until half time.
Bosh!
(Not really -ed)