Why the fuck any Englishmen bothers any more?
The Sun says you've let your country down, the mirror screams rout of Africa, done by the Hun, etc etc
I say, fine the cunts.
Well you won't be hearing from me for a while as I'll be arming myself to the teeth for the inevitable back lash and random acts of violence from my Scottish, Irish and Welsh friends.
Fingers crossed Rash hasn't slit his wrists with both S. Africa going out along with the 3 Lions you might get a post or two more from him, but I'm off, see you in 2 years for another load of Mutiny on the Cunty horse shit.
As Aristotle used to say
'bosh, mug, cunt, cock snot'
Monday, 28 June 2010
Sunday, 27 June 2010
Ooooooooh, close but no lard!
How goes it manjitas? Looks like a bigun on the horizon, squeeky bum time, ring-piece like a blood orange etc. We the few, love a game like this and expect one every international tournament, but it doesn't normally come as early on as this.
David James was quoted in the Grundyard yesterday saying that they were pleased with the prospect of facing the Gurmins, as Ghana are a better footballing team. Well, that was probably mind games, but after watching the Ghana forwards last night shoulder barge the seemingly futile attempts of the septic's centrebacks into row z, he may have had a point.
Milner will again be on the right, one hopes.....Oh christ on a bike, I can't do any more of this fucking shit, writing about fucking England. Too nervous, dizzy on coffee, my son's singing (he has the face of an angel but the voice of a charlatan), so I'm out of here.
I'll be watching the game with family and friends in my native village, back east in Worstead. Whilst I'm tapping this out on Dad's laptop (why are there so many pubes on his keyboard)I'm gazing at the rolling sun bleached grassy fields in this most beautiful of places. Memories of a sun drenched youth, eating corn fresh from the fields (with added fertilizer), sneaky snout smoking behind the delapidated shed by the cricket boundry, selling my first wrap of wizz to two fourteen year olds, trying to bum my then girlfriend against the wall of the Queen Elizabeth hall and failing, raping that holiday making couple from Dorset and then cutting them up and burying them on the outskirts of the village by the train station (not true -ed).
Oh the memories of my England, what is there not to be proud of? Thatcher, imperialism, track suits, big brother, Jeremy Clarkson and an international football team rammed to the hilt with cuntage.
COME ON ENGLAND!
David James was quoted in the Grundyard yesterday saying that they were pleased with the prospect of facing the Gurmins, as Ghana are a better footballing team. Well, that was probably mind games, but after watching the Ghana forwards last night shoulder barge the seemingly futile attempts of the septic's centrebacks into row z, he may have had a point.
Milner will again be on the right, one hopes.....Oh christ on a bike, I can't do any more of this fucking shit, writing about fucking England. Too nervous, dizzy on coffee, my son's singing (he has the face of an angel but the voice of a charlatan), so I'm out of here.
I'll be watching the game with family and friends in my native village, back east in Worstead. Whilst I'm tapping this out on Dad's laptop (why are there so many pubes on his keyboard)I'm gazing at the rolling sun bleached grassy fields in this most beautiful of places. Memories of a sun drenched youth, eating corn fresh from the fields (with added fertilizer), sneaky snout smoking behind the delapidated shed by the cricket boundry, selling my first wrap of wizz to two fourteen year olds, trying to bum my then girlfriend against the wall of the Queen Elizabeth hall and failing, raping that holiday making couple from Dorset and then cutting them up and burying them on the outskirts of the village by the train station (not true -ed).
Oh the memories of my England, what is there not to be proud of? Thatcher, imperialism, track suits, big brother, Jeremy Clarkson and an international football team rammed to the hilt with cuntage.
COME ON ENGLAND!
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Well, it's better than sticking your balls in a blender.
Slovenia. What to say? The papers and media in general have gone completely over the top re yesterday's game, but I truly believe you must embrace every moment that goes your way in the World Cup, it's only every four years, so maybe they've got a point.
Milner, I fucking love the geezer, he stood out and delivered for the 3 Lions on so many levels. We had shape and showed an appetite for attacking football, which has been eerily absent up until yesterday.
But, luck again failed us. The fucking Guuurrrmiinnnsss lie in wait. I'm not as optimistic as I was last night when I was cunted out of my skull, but out of the top teams left in the tournament you would have to say that the Gurmins would be the shits you'd want to play. Would have been well happy with a game against Ghana though. They've peaked and we haven't, well at least I hope we haven't. I know this one's boring, but I'm shattered and the four beers I've had aint doing their job, so go bollocks, off for a wank and an early night.
Slosh!
Milner, I fucking love the geezer, he stood out and delivered for the 3 Lions on so many levels. We had shape and showed an appetite for attacking football, which has been eerily absent up until yesterday.
But, luck again failed us. The fucking Guuurrrmiinnnsss lie in wait. I'm not as optimistic as I was last night when I was cunted out of my skull, but out of the top teams left in the tournament you would have to say that the Gurmins would be the shits you'd want to play. Would have been well happy with a game against Ghana though. They've peaked and we haven't, well at least I hope we haven't. I know this one's boring, but I'm shattered and the four beers I've had aint doing their job, so go bollocks, off for a wank and an early night.
Slosh!
Monday, 21 June 2010
ENGLAND 85 ALGERIA 0
Wow, what a game that was. There we all were expecting the same tripe as the USA game and they pull that one out of the bag!
Rooney is now the highest goal scorer in England's and World Cup history as he bagged all 85 of the goals. The irony is of course, he was substituted with half an hour left to play for Heskey, who although had plenty of opportunities to bag a few goals himself failed to get on the score sheet. The Sun are screaming blue murder at Fabio and Heskey saying it is their fault that Rooney was denied the chance to score 100 goals in one single international game.
Stalwart defending from the extremely energetic looking Carragher put all our fears behind us, the fears were of course, who the fuck is the sweaty looking mick playing trying to play for England at centre back, his partnership with the diplomatic Terry was a formidable one.
In the middle of the park where the two creative sensations pinged one twos off each other all evening, England were joyous! Lamps and Gerrard were reading each other's minds with each new move they developed. What a force!
Johnson showed just why Fabio didn't need to bring another right back with him as he defended and stayed back selflessly allowing his winger the space and time to overlap and get to the by line to cross the ball in for the 'in the form of his life Rooney'.
After the game Ashley Cole weeped as he said the honour of playing for England was just too fantastic and wanted to thank all the fans back home and he vowed he would not rest until he delivered the World Cup to our shores.
My wife was so impressed that she allowed me one night with Kathy Lloyd, which had been a dream since puberty. Kathy was wonderful and her husband didn't mind as I boned her all night as he sat in the front room watching repeats of On the Buses on ITV3. I had to turn her down though when she asked me to shit in her mouth, I had, after all eaten 3 king size snickers that day, and if I couldn't digest those peanuts neither could she. It just wouldn't have been fair, so I just pissed in her eyes.
Bosh!
Rooney is now the highest goal scorer in England's and World Cup history as he bagged all 85 of the goals. The irony is of course, he was substituted with half an hour left to play for Heskey, who although had plenty of opportunities to bag a few goals himself failed to get on the score sheet. The Sun are screaming blue murder at Fabio and Heskey saying it is their fault that Rooney was denied the chance to score 100 goals in one single international game.
Stalwart defending from the extremely energetic looking Carragher put all our fears behind us, the fears were of course, who the fuck is the sweaty looking mick playing trying to play for England at centre back, his partnership with the diplomatic Terry was a formidable one.
In the middle of the park where the two creative sensations pinged one twos off each other all evening, England were joyous! Lamps and Gerrard were reading each other's minds with each new move they developed. What a force!
Johnson showed just why Fabio didn't need to bring another right back with him as he defended and stayed back selflessly allowing his winger the space and time to overlap and get to the by line to cross the ball in for the 'in the form of his life Rooney'.
After the game Ashley Cole weeped as he said the honour of playing for England was just too fantastic and wanted to thank all the fans back home and he vowed he would not rest until he delivered the World Cup to our shores.
My wife was so impressed that she allowed me one night with Kathy Lloyd, which had been a dream since puberty. Kathy was wonderful and her husband didn't mind as I boned her all night as he sat in the front room watching repeats of On the Buses on ITV3. I had to turn her down though when she asked me to shit in her mouth, I had, after all eaten 3 king size snickers that day, and if I couldn't digest those peanuts neither could she. It just wouldn't have been fair, so I just pissed in her eyes.
Bosh!
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Brazilian? then fuckin fala portuguese you cunt!!! From Rash, Our Man in the Frying Pan (genius -ed)
Brazilian? then fuckin fala portuguese you cunt!!!
even more annoying than the vuvuzela or the enormous sunglasses people seem to wear is the nature of glory hunting fans here. because until two months ago no-one thought that the national side stood a shred of a chance of making the next round almost everyone here has another team that they "support". i am not talking about english south africans putting a cross of st george on the car or the inevitable portuguese flags stuck on corner shops or even afrikaaners wearing orange at Dutch games, oh no i am talking about south africans who have no connection with the south american continent suddenly making out they are life long supporters of the joga bonito. Then trying to lord it over you. when you kindly point out that the only thing they have in common with Brazil or Argentina is the crime rate they inevitably tell you "they support soccer..."
No lets have it right, if you support football i expect to see you in the stands of notts counties away end on a miserable, wet wednesday night in february. not wearing the brazil flag and a bikini and trying to get in the papers.
i have already seen my first bit of hooliganism for a team no-one has a connection with. the four year old in the house where i stay smashed her seven year old brother in the face with a plastic dinosaur toy for saying brazil was better than italy.... drew blood and everything.... still what do you expect from a country where man u and liverpool are still the top clubs (not kaiser chiefs or sundowns....) fucking gloiry hunters
still i have had enough of the cold of the high veldt and am off to the coast for some warmth
oh and on the subject of mr green and his tokoloshe problems maybe he should have seen
DR Rafiq
removal of tokoloshe, enlarge penis, become rich by using richand by using small boys
dont ask me i dont know either.....
even more annoying than the vuvuzela or the enormous sunglasses people seem to wear is the nature of glory hunting fans here. because until two months ago no-one thought that the national side stood a shred of a chance of making the next round almost everyone here has another team that they "support". i am not talking about english south africans putting a cross of st george on the car or the inevitable portuguese flags stuck on corner shops or even afrikaaners wearing orange at Dutch games, oh no i am talking about south africans who have no connection with the south american continent suddenly making out they are life long supporters of the joga bonito. Then trying to lord it over you. when you kindly point out that the only thing they have in common with Brazil or Argentina is the crime rate they inevitably tell you "they support soccer..."
No lets have it right, if you support football i expect to see you in the stands of notts counties away end on a miserable, wet wednesday night in february. not wearing the brazil flag and a bikini and trying to get in the papers.
i have already seen my first bit of hooliganism for a team no-one has a connection with. the four year old in the house where i stay smashed her seven year old brother in the face with a plastic dinosaur toy for saying brazil was better than italy.... drew blood and everything.... still what do you expect from a country where man u and liverpool are still the top clubs (not kaiser chiefs or sundowns....) fucking gloiry hunters
still i have had enough of the cold of the high veldt and am off to the coast for some warmth
oh and on the subject of mr green and his tokoloshe problems maybe he should have seen
DR Rafiq
removal of tokoloshe, enlarge penis, become rich by using richand by using small boys
dont ask me i dont know either.....
All I get is Lager and a Nasty Little Rash
Here's Rashid's latest post. I must work with this man more, he seems to be on my wave length...For a cunt.
what a twenty four hours... from the opening ceremony and euphoria of the opening game to that fumble.
johannesburg was gridlocked on friday forcing everyone out of their cars and across what is viewed as one of the worlds most dangerous cities on foot. Though to be honest all anybody said to me on that particular journey was "Can you feel it brother. It is here...." the atmosphere for south africa's opener at the fanpark in central joburg was epic to say the least. my ears were still ringing the next morning when i got the newspapers with their self congratulatory headlines.. it seems that this will be the best and most profitable world cup ever. but they always say that dont they? The police caught the guys who robbed a set of journalists within twenty four hours and promptly announced it wasn't south africans at all but zimbabweans and nigerians. so thats alright then. all looked good for englands opener....
within 5 minutes of kick off we were a goal up and looked alright, ok some of the players couldnt keep the new ball down at that altitude but even lennon seemed able to a do a bit more than simply scare people by running at them with his tiny little legs. then it seemed we had run up against african magic in some perverted form.
in south africa it is common for league teams to perform magic rites to ensure victory but it seems that some americans had visited the sangoma for a few spells. maybe the slippy hands spell or the make the keeper look like a twat special. or maybe one of the fans has unleashed the awesome power of the fabled tokoloshe.
a widespread belief in these parts is in evil demons called tokoloshe which if harnessed correctly can give the "owner" vast power. generally described being small and smelly but with an enourmous cock that is near enough the same length as his small body, people (especially rural people) still have great faith in these and other things of the shadow world. they are always trying to have sex with women and are sometimes cited in divorce proceedings. sounds like certain footballers i could mention. anyway these things will work for you and damage your enemies (American tokoloshe theory) but will also fuck you up at the first opportunity (Greens tokoloshe fucked him over theory). either that or Danielle Lloyd is a tokoloshe and we just havent noticed. think about it, shes had sex with just about everybody....
anyway i have decided to try and get over this by watching the dutch and danes try and deal with the fucking vuvuzela tomorrow at soccer city. i have to say that the english made one song heard above that noise last night. one song.....
what a twenty four hours... from the opening ceremony and euphoria of the opening game to that fumble.
johannesburg was gridlocked on friday forcing everyone out of their cars and across what is viewed as one of the worlds most dangerous cities on foot. Though to be honest all anybody said to me on that particular journey was "Can you feel it brother. It is here...." the atmosphere for south africa's opener at the fanpark in central joburg was epic to say the least. my ears were still ringing the next morning when i got the newspapers with their self congratulatory headlines.. it seems that this will be the best and most profitable world cup ever. but they always say that dont they? The police caught the guys who robbed a set of journalists within twenty four hours and promptly announced it wasn't south africans at all but zimbabweans and nigerians. so thats alright then. all looked good for englands opener....
within 5 minutes of kick off we were a goal up and looked alright, ok some of the players couldnt keep the new ball down at that altitude but even lennon seemed able to a do a bit more than simply scare people by running at them with his tiny little legs. then it seemed we had run up against african magic in some perverted form.
in south africa it is common for league teams to perform magic rites to ensure victory but it seems that some americans had visited the sangoma for a few spells. maybe the slippy hands spell or the make the keeper look like a twat special. or maybe one of the fans has unleashed the awesome power of the fabled tokoloshe.
a widespread belief in these parts is in evil demons called tokoloshe which if harnessed correctly can give the "owner" vast power. generally described being small and smelly but with an enourmous cock that is near enough the same length as his small body, people (especially rural people) still have great faith in these and other things of the shadow world. they are always trying to have sex with women and are sometimes cited in divorce proceedings. sounds like certain footballers i could mention. anyway these things will work for you and damage your enemies (American tokoloshe theory) but will also fuck you up at the first opportunity (Greens tokoloshe fucked him over theory). either that or Danielle Lloyd is a tokoloshe and we just havent noticed. think about it, shes had sex with just about everybody....
anyway i have decided to try and get over this by watching the dutch and danes try and deal with the fucking vuvuzela tomorrow at soccer city. i have to say that the english made one song heard above that noise last night. one song.....
FAMILY AND THE LIKE? ON YOUR FUCKING BIKE!
Remeber all that shit I spouted on about prior to the battle with the septics? Forget about it. I watched that game with my Dad, Sister, Wife, Son, Brother and family friends. I had a row with my siter, my son cried and threw a wobbly when I wasn't taking any notice of him, Dad moaned all the way through it and my wife and step mum had a really interesting conversation about shoes. Oh and my brother is just a teenager (cunt).
For Friday's game against Algeria, I will be watching it in London with a bunch of mates, drinking loads of beer, sniff, smoking snouts etc.
We've got to be optimistic about this one. Algeria have no points and surely need to attack, hopefully leaving gaping holes at the back (about the size of Bab Windsor's clunge) for Rooney to smack the net up with. Please G-D.
What about the swiss eh? My mate Salv is an avid Spain fan and my mate Lol is Algerian/Spanish/English and French. Lol would have been supporting the mighty Spain, because they had the best chance of winning the trophy, he may have moved over to Algeria now. I must admit, I laughed myself silly when they lost that one. Can you see them both over there in the corner, yeah you can see them, obviously they both look like dodgy gangsters from Carlito's Way, yeah those two, told yer didn't I, see the one with the big head, yeah that's him. Cunts.
Here's Rash with the leather!
For Friday's game against Algeria, I will be watching it in London with a bunch of mates, drinking loads of beer, sniff, smoking snouts etc.
We've got to be optimistic about this one. Algeria have no points and surely need to attack, hopefully leaving gaping holes at the back (about the size of Bab Windsor's clunge) for Rooney to smack the net up with. Please G-D.
What about the swiss eh? My mate Salv is an avid Spain fan and my mate Lol is Algerian/Spanish/English and French. Lol would have been supporting the mighty Spain, because they had the best chance of winning the trophy, he may have moved over to Algeria now. I must admit, I laughed myself silly when they lost that one. Can you see them both over there in the corner, yeah you can see them, obviously they both look like dodgy gangsters from Carlito's Way, yeah those two, told yer didn't I, see the one with the big head, yeah that's him. Cunts.
Here's Rash with the leather!
Friday, 11 June 2010
FAMILY
I had a chance to go to South Africa for the World Cup, but it was a three month stint, with Rash, the la who's sending the stuff over from the World Cup to this blog.
It would have been amazing, a true I WAS THERE memory, but...
Where do you really want to be, when matches like these mean so much to you? I want to be with my mates and most of all my Dad. I get away with murder/manslaughter with the amount of things my wife and kid let me get up to, but three months away from my 3 year old, not to mention losing my job, might have been a stretch.
I watched the first two games today as I'm sure you have. It's about the moments we share as human beings at times like this that is more important than anything. Just imagine, for a second, we win it... July 11th (my Dad's birthday), with your mates and if you've still got one your Dad, if I was given the choice a thousand times, it would be the same.
Tomorrow, I'll be at my Dad's gaff, supping beers, eating BBQ, smoking snouts and if my sister comes, have a cheeky line once the litlun is in the sack hoping and praying for an England victory.
I've had about 8 of my new home brew batch, which isn't the best I admit, and I'm feeling a little emotional. Plus I've just watched One Night In Turin about Italia 90 and spotify is playing Embrace's World at Your Feet, so it wont be long before I start welling up.
I love football so very, very much and I love the England football team a hundred times more than my club team, so every international tournament is important to me. But this one is weird and wonderful for me, It's the first one that my son will experience (although he hasn't got a scooby what is going on), I've moved back East to be nearer to my Dad in his twilight years and I wont be getting my cock out every time England score. (Pity -ed)
To all of you who read this blog and love the three lions, although most of them are total pricks, good luck tomorrow, enjoy and embrace the day and fingers crossed it's a winner.
I'm well aware that I banged on about the Dad thing, and one person who is very close to me lost his Dad not so long ago, but I hope he knows how much I love him and that he is as important to me as the rest of my family, and with hope in our hearts and the wind at our heels, we'll finally sort this aaaaaaatttt.
Lots of love you crazy kids, I for one wont sleep tonight, it could be excitement, it could be the benny I've just dropped or the home brew keeping me on the shitter all night.
If you have a couple of moments and are not feeling as patriotic as you would like, take a look at Dennis Potter's final interview before his death with Melvyn Bragg talking about how he is proud to be English, 'but not the way the Sun is', how he looks out of his bedroom window in the morning knowing that death is upon him looking at the apple blossom drift in the streets... It's pretty fucking special.
Good luck and G-D speed.
Bosh!
WE AINT NO HOOLIGANS, THIS AINT A FOOTBALL SONG,
3 LIONS ON MY SHIRT, I KNOW WE CAN'T GO WRONG.
It would have been amazing, a true I WAS THERE memory, but...
Where do you really want to be, when matches like these mean so much to you? I want to be with my mates and most of all my Dad. I get away with murder/manslaughter with the amount of things my wife and kid let me get up to, but three months away from my 3 year old, not to mention losing my job, might have been a stretch.
I watched the first two games today as I'm sure you have. It's about the moments we share as human beings at times like this that is more important than anything. Just imagine, for a second, we win it... July 11th (my Dad's birthday), with your mates and if you've still got one your Dad, if I was given the choice a thousand times, it would be the same.
Tomorrow, I'll be at my Dad's gaff, supping beers, eating BBQ, smoking snouts and if my sister comes, have a cheeky line once the litlun is in the sack hoping and praying for an England victory.
I've had about 8 of my new home brew batch, which isn't the best I admit, and I'm feeling a little emotional. Plus I've just watched One Night In Turin about Italia 90 and spotify is playing Embrace's World at Your Feet, so it wont be long before I start welling up.
I love football so very, very much and I love the England football team a hundred times more than my club team, so every international tournament is important to me. But this one is weird and wonderful for me, It's the first one that my son will experience (although he hasn't got a scooby what is going on), I've moved back East to be nearer to my Dad in his twilight years and I wont be getting my cock out every time England score. (Pity -ed)
To all of you who read this blog and love the three lions, although most of them are total pricks, good luck tomorrow, enjoy and embrace the day and fingers crossed it's a winner.
I'm well aware that I banged on about the Dad thing, and one person who is very close to me lost his Dad not so long ago, but I hope he knows how much I love him and that he is as important to me as the rest of my family, and with hope in our hearts and the wind at our heels, we'll finally sort this aaaaaaatttt.
Lots of love you crazy kids, I for one wont sleep tonight, it could be excitement, it could be the benny I've just dropped or the home brew keeping me on the shitter all night.
If you have a couple of moments and are not feeling as patriotic as you would like, take a look at Dennis Potter's final interview before his death with Melvyn Bragg talking about how he is proud to be English, 'but not the way the Sun is', how he looks out of his bedroom window in the morning knowing that death is upon him looking at the apple blossom drift in the streets... It's pretty fucking special.
Good luck and G-D speed.
Bosh!
WE AINT NO HOOLIGANS, THIS AINT A FOOTBALL SONG,
3 LIONS ON MY SHIRT, I KNOW WE CAN'T GO WRONG.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
RASH IN FLASH (our man in Africa prt 2)
Lets have it right.... The majority of ticket holders in this cup will be south africans. The majority of them think its funny to blow a long plastic horn called a vuvuzela from before the match until after its finished. These things are fucking loud and annoying. I have stood amongst thousands of people blowing these things and it is not fun unless you are deaf as a man with no ears. Yesterday south africans were requested to come together and make as much noise as possible at 12.30 (a kind of african signal that the world cup experience has started). At the shopping centres where fans of all nationalities gather (or is that huddle in safety) i watched as Mexican fans tried to compete with these infernal noise machines. It was a brave but ultimately futile attempt.... even the Argies had a go and i had to laugh as their aggressive singing disappeared under a barrage of plastic bellowing. The funniest sight was a coachload of the Charlton Athletic supprters club members getting caught up in the crowd, who thought they were this was the bus of their beloved bafana bafana. The manager of south africa has said these vuvuzela things are the 12th player but i am wondering how thats going to work out in, say, Holland against Denmark when 90% of the crowd will live in joburg or soweto.
The argentians are here and all pretending to be Lionel Messi. They even sent the Barras Bravas for a bit of aggro, although ten got turned back at the airport (i think thats about 18hrs on the plane then 18hrs straight back.) And while everyone here keeps asking if i think the english will be after a bit of hooliganism at this world cup (short answer no) my tip for trouble is nigeria against the argentines. the nigerian support will all live in south africa, have as reputation for criminality and have already been involved in a stampede at a warm up game. they also blow horns, but real cow horns.
anyone want to back my campaign to bring back rattles?
The argentians are here and all pretending to be Lionel Messi. They even sent the Barras Bravas for a bit of aggro, although ten got turned back at the airport (i think thats about 18hrs on the plane then 18hrs straight back.) And while everyone here keeps asking if i think the english will be after a bit of hooliganism at this world cup (short answer no) my tip for trouble is nigeria against the argentines. the nigerian support will all live in south africa, have as reputation for criminality and have already been involved in a stampede at a warm up game. they also blow horns, but real cow horns.
anyone want to back my campaign to bring back rattles?
BALL ACHE
What the fuck is it with Adidas? Every international football tournament they manage to deform one of the most straight forward sporting items on the planet.
The football is a basic invention, beautiful in its simplicity and without it life on planet Earth would be bollocks.
So why does a company that has specialised in making footballs, football regalia and other sporting bits and bobs manage to fuck it up, every four years for a world cup?
I remember at Italia 90, adidas designed the Etrusco (I believe), it was a stunner, a beautuful white ball, with black etchings, using the traditional adidas tango design but upping the ante and making it look a little more poncy/Italian. It worked, it was lovely, it was also fucking expsensive. Official balls are very pricey, so I'm sure adidas must think, how the fuck sticks are we gonna get away with this one again? We need to re-design the same ball every tournament and sell it for £80, bob's your country bunker, we're fucking wedged up to the max!
The problem is, adidas, should actually be less caring about their market and just fuck us over entirely. We don't need you to re-design the fucking inside, just put a new pretty picture on the front and we'll all buy it, don't you chicken curry about it sun beam! After all most of us fanatics will or already have purchased the England shirt. People run to the shop, 'Quick the new England shirt is out, It's white and everything!'
By making the ball lighter, the supremos at adidas (it's never been proved that the founder Mr. Adi Dasler had ties with the Nazis) believe that probably more goals will be scored, but all that actually happens is you get central midfielders taking more and more shots and the ball is either sent into orbit or plucked away from danger by a very relaxed goalkeeper (Lampard).
Speaking of the England shirt, I wonder how many people have seen the adverts 'Tailored in England'. Wow, what a boast!
Obviously they cannot say made in England, because they are made by a nine year old, working 16 hour days without a lunch break for the tidy sum of tuppence halfpenny somewhere many many miles away.
The band Kasabian star in one of these posters. I think, by endorsing the purchasing of something which pretty much encaptures modern slavery, they should perform their next tour, without taking lunch, wages of £7 per week (to share between them), and possibly have their manager screaming at them and hitting them occasionaly with a stick. They should then finish their day by all huddling together by a rat infested river bank to get their heads down for a nice kip. Fucking cunts.
I realise I am pictured above wearing one of these fine garments, but mine was nicked, so bollocks!
Here's Rash with the weather, film at 11. Bosh!
The football is a basic invention, beautiful in its simplicity and without it life on planet Earth would be bollocks.
So why does a company that has specialised in making footballs, football regalia and other sporting bits and bobs manage to fuck it up, every four years for a world cup?
I remember at Italia 90, adidas designed the Etrusco (I believe), it was a stunner, a beautuful white ball, with black etchings, using the traditional adidas tango design but upping the ante and making it look a little more poncy/Italian. It worked, it was lovely, it was also fucking expsensive. Official balls are very pricey, so I'm sure adidas must think, how the fuck sticks are we gonna get away with this one again? We need to re-design the same ball every tournament and sell it for £80, bob's your country bunker, we're fucking wedged up to the max!
The problem is, adidas, should actually be less caring about their market and just fuck us over entirely. We don't need you to re-design the fucking inside, just put a new pretty picture on the front and we'll all buy it, don't you chicken curry about it sun beam! After all most of us fanatics will or already have purchased the England shirt. People run to the shop, 'Quick the new England shirt is out, It's white and everything!'
By making the ball lighter, the supremos at adidas (it's never been proved that the founder Mr. Adi Dasler had ties with the Nazis) believe that probably more goals will be scored, but all that actually happens is you get central midfielders taking more and more shots and the ball is either sent into orbit or plucked away from danger by a very relaxed goalkeeper (Lampard).
Speaking of the England shirt, I wonder how many people have seen the adverts 'Tailored in England'. Wow, what a boast!
Obviously they cannot say made in England, because they are made by a nine year old, working 16 hour days without a lunch break for the tidy sum of tuppence halfpenny somewhere many many miles away.
The band Kasabian star in one of these posters. I think, by endorsing the purchasing of something which pretty much encaptures modern slavery, they should perform their next tour, without taking lunch, wages of £7 per week (to share between them), and possibly have their manager screaming at them and hitting them occasionaly with a stick. They should then finish their day by all huddling together by a rat infested river bank to get their heads down for a nice kip. Fucking cunts.
I realise I am pictured above wearing one of these fine garments, but mine was nicked, so bollocks!
Here's Rash with the weather, film at 11. Bosh!
NOWT TO FRET ABOUT
They say only the great teams play badly and still get results. Which is fucking gravy for us, we must be the new Brazil, because we are playing like a dog's dinner purchased from Farm Foods off the Dereham Rd.
Platinum Stars anyone? Mate, they are up there with the rest of the greats, Dilham FC, Staines.... Yep, they're proper shit and so are we, which means of course there is fuck all to be scared about, because we are going to steam roll every cunt lapper put in front of us with our shit, negative, cunt-like football prowess.
I don't know about you, but all of a sudden, I'm not too fucking confident.
Still it could be worse, we could be Scotland, Wales or Ireland!
Ecxuse me a moment for a bit of immaturity (never -ed).
No room for you at the inn sweatys!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
The luck of the Irish? First a tayto famine and now Thierry Henry!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Wales? Well there is nothing funny about Wales in the slightest. So no laughter at the back there. Oh fuck it, 'Sorry Denzel, valley boy, looks like you'll be sticking the leeks to your wife for the next month, coz there's fuck all on the tele boyo'!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Bosh, cunts, etc.
Platinum Stars anyone? Mate, they are up there with the rest of the greats, Dilham FC, Staines.... Yep, they're proper shit and so are we, which means of course there is fuck all to be scared about, because we are going to steam roll every cunt lapper put in front of us with our shit, negative, cunt-like football prowess.
I don't know about you, but all of a sudden, I'm not too fucking confident.
Still it could be worse, we could be Scotland, Wales or Ireland!
Ecxuse me a moment for a bit of immaturity (never -ed).
No room for you at the inn sweatys!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
The luck of the Irish? First a tayto famine and now Thierry Henry!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Wales? Well there is nothing funny about Wales in the slightest. So no laughter at the back there. Oh fuck it, 'Sorry Denzel, valley boy, looks like you'll be sticking the leeks to your wife for the next month, coz there's fuck all on the tele boyo'!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha haHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Bosh, cunts, etc.
Monday, 7 June 2010
A RATHER RASH REPORT
Below is the first instalment of reports from Rasheed, our man in South Africa, who will be sending me weekly bulletins. Enjoy...
the only visible sign of any england support so far is the occassional cross of st george, usually next to a south african flag on a car with local numberplates. there appear to be a few well heeled italians walking in large groups around shopping malls but no body else. the whole country has gone flag crazy with a regular topic of discussion being which street vendor sells the cheapest (6 pounds or five). speaking of street vendors the guy who sells potatoes on our corner has tickets for a south africa versus mexico in the opening game. thats a lot of potatoes. i have witnessed a fist fight in the bank about ticket allocation, the big sikh won.
England arrived to be met by a commando unit armed with submachine guns who fanned around the plane and stood around menacingly. this is supposed to be because of a perceived terror threat against the English, Americans, Dutch and Danes, and i have been stopped and searched by the police near ellis park stadium in johannesburg, however the look on ferdinands face as he stumbled from the plane might suggest that it is a ploy to frighten the rest of the teams before the tournament. thanks for writing all that shite about security-the daily star, and the daily mail, you have made it so much easier for everyone else.
Today is football friday where even kids can go to school in football kits, so long as its the south african team. the more integrated areas are awash with green and yellow, but in the rich white areas if you ask about the world cup they will say "oh yeah that starts soon doesnt it?"
prices havent gone up much so i am sure Terry can still get his under-age slappers for a quart bottle of beer if no ones mrs is near to hand....
the only visible sign of any england support so far is the occassional cross of st george, usually next to a south african flag on a car with local numberplates. there appear to be a few well heeled italians walking in large groups around shopping malls but no body else. the whole country has gone flag crazy with a regular topic of discussion being which street vendor sells the cheapest (6 pounds or five). speaking of street vendors the guy who sells potatoes on our corner has tickets for a south africa versus mexico in the opening game. thats a lot of potatoes. i have witnessed a fist fight in the bank about ticket allocation, the big sikh won.
England arrived to be met by a commando unit armed with submachine guns who fanned around the plane and stood around menacingly. this is supposed to be because of a perceived terror threat against the English, Americans, Dutch and Danes, and i have been stopped and searched by the police near ellis park stadium in johannesburg, however the look on ferdinands face as he stumbled from the plane might suggest that it is a ploy to frighten the rest of the teams before the tournament. thanks for writing all that shite about security-the daily star, and the daily mail, you have made it so much easier for everyone else.
Today is football friday where even kids can go to school in football kits, so long as its the south african team. the more integrated areas are awash with green and yellow, but in the rich white areas if you ask about the world cup they will say "oh yeah that starts soon doesnt it?"
prices havent gone up much so i am sure Terry can still get his under-age slappers for a quart bottle of beer if no ones mrs is near to hand....
Friday, 4 June 2010
FUCK
Man, of all the centre backs to lose before we've even kicked a ball in contempt and it's the fucking skipper!
Ferdinand has had his critics, but I've always rated him and although he is not the player of two seasons ago, he is experienced, level headed (unless you are waiting down the corridor with a test tube and some PH testing papers) and he can pass and not just hoof the cunt.
Still he is to be replaced by Dawson, who is at least two of the above - he can definitely pass and is level headed, but will he be able to keep his head in a World Cup? If he can, I would urge Mr. C to go all unorthodox on our arses and play him and is Spurs partner in crime Ledley King and bench Terry. Without Ferdinand I think Terry will be a liability. Look at him for Chelsea when that Porto Geezer wasn't playing, he was a fucking laughing stock and no mistake - cunt.
Or there is Upson, who if you remember from my Dirty 30 post I made a crack about me being able to make the team if Upson was could, I also seem to remember coating off Dawson too, but that was more to do with him being an N17 cock snotter than anything else. My opinion of Upson has changed as I found out that he is from Diss, which is of course a town about twenty miles from Norwich, in Norfolk! Fucking ace, what is Mr. C waiting for give him the arm band!
On a serious note, who didn't want Stevie G as skipper back in the battle of the chav haircuts when he was up against JT for the arm band? I fucking love the la! And at least compared to JT he has only one chav hair cut, whilst JT has three at once, which is just fucking greedy, Barking cunt. Have you ever been to Barking? Man alive, I've been to some dirt holes in my time, all of which amalgamated would be Barking. What a fucking pit. Some people think Toxteth is rough, I urge them to take a look at the beautiful twin boroughs of Newham and Barking, tasty fish! Oh and Bowyer is from that manor too, anyone order a cunt?
Talking of Newham and Barking, out of the four parts of London that the councils of our capital have decided to put up giant screens to watch the matches, two of them are in Newham and Barking! I can't believe it, who's paying for the crowd control on that one? Israel gunships Ltd? What a Joker Di Smoker!
So forward we march Lions, with hope in our hearts and wind at our heels, stand up and fight and be counted. Stevie G we are keeping the faith, do not let us down, like you usually do at international level, you tracksuit at the weekend wearing, golf range walking, what is someone like you doing with a bit of fanjita like that, oh yeah of course you've 900,000,000 quid in your sky rocket dude. We love you and you are so much less of a cunt than the rest of this shower!
On a final note for this post, I'm looking forward to listening to the usual, 'I'm not a racialist but...'comments over the World Cup starting of course with our match against the septics. 'You fucking yank cunts etc' will be spouted by someone wearing a £100 pair of Nikes (Oregon), a Tommy Hilfiger pair of shorts (NY) and a Ralp Lauren polo shirt (California), drinking a bottle of Budweiser(Wisconsin) classy like my arsey.
Baked potataaaaaaaaaaa!
Ferdinand has had his critics, but I've always rated him and although he is not the player of two seasons ago, he is experienced, level headed (unless you are waiting down the corridor with a test tube and some PH testing papers) and he can pass and not just hoof the cunt.
Still he is to be replaced by Dawson, who is at least two of the above - he can definitely pass and is level headed, but will he be able to keep his head in a World Cup? If he can, I would urge Mr. C to go all unorthodox on our arses and play him and is Spurs partner in crime Ledley King and bench Terry. Without Ferdinand I think Terry will be a liability. Look at him for Chelsea when that Porto Geezer wasn't playing, he was a fucking laughing stock and no mistake - cunt.
Or there is Upson, who if you remember from my Dirty 30 post I made a crack about me being able to make the team if Upson was could, I also seem to remember coating off Dawson too, but that was more to do with him being an N17 cock snotter than anything else. My opinion of Upson has changed as I found out that he is from Diss, which is of course a town about twenty miles from Norwich, in Norfolk! Fucking ace, what is Mr. C waiting for give him the arm band!
On a serious note, who didn't want Stevie G as skipper back in the battle of the chav haircuts when he was up against JT for the arm band? I fucking love the la! And at least compared to JT he has only one chav hair cut, whilst JT has three at once, which is just fucking greedy, Barking cunt. Have you ever been to Barking? Man alive, I've been to some dirt holes in my time, all of which amalgamated would be Barking. What a fucking pit. Some people think Toxteth is rough, I urge them to take a look at the beautiful twin boroughs of Newham and Barking, tasty fish! Oh and Bowyer is from that manor too, anyone order a cunt?
Talking of Newham and Barking, out of the four parts of London that the councils of our capital have decided to put up giant screens to watch the matches, two of them are in Newham and Barking! I can't believe it, who's paying for the crowd control on that one? Israel gunships Ltd? What a Joker Di Smoker!
So forward we march Lions, with hope in our hearts and wind at our heels, stand up and fight and be counted. Stevie G we are keeping the faith, do not let us down, like you usually do at international level, you tracksuit at the weekend wearing, golf range walking, what is someone like you doing with a bit of fanjita like that, oh yeah of course you've 900,000,000 quid in your sky rocket dude. We love you and you are so much less of a cunt than the rest of this shower!
On a final note for this post, I'm looking forward to listening to the usual, 'I'm not a racialist but...'comments over the World Cup starting of course with our match against the septics. 'You fucking yank cunts etc' will be spouted by someone wearing a £100 pair of Nikes (Oregon), a Tommy Hilfiger pair of shorts (NY) and a Ralp Lauren polo shirt (California), drinking a bottle of Budweiser(Wisconsin) classy like my arsey.
Baked potataaaaaaaaaaa!
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Theo Neo
Poor lad must be proper gutted, but that's what happens when everyone suddenly realises that you are not very good after all and have chosen the wrong sport to ply your trade in. Seriously Theo should have been a sprinter and we could have all watched in glee as he came second behind Bolt in 2012.
I am surprised though, even though Theo had a Pone Loc season for the Arse, I thought he would be used in some capacity, super sub anyone? The last twenty minutes of a game when a full back is proper cunted and on a card? Of course, bring on Theo. Nope! Lets take Wright Phillips! That's a mistaka di Maka. Little cunt.
I am surprised though, even though Theo had a Pone Loc season for the Arse, I thought he would be used in some capacity, super sub anyone? The last twenty minutes of a game when a full back is proper cunted and on a card? Of course, bring on Theo. Nope! Lets take Wright Phillips! That's a mistaka di Maka. Little cunt.
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