A RATHER RASH REPORT

Below is the first instalment of reports from Rasheed, our man in South Africa, who will be sending me weekly bulletins. Enjoy...

the only visible sign of any england support so far is the occassional cross of st george, usually next to a south african flag on a car with local numberplates. there appear to be a few well heeled italians walking in large groups around shopping malls but no body else. the whole country has gone flag crazy with a regular topic of discussion being which street vendor sells the cheapest (6 pounds or five). speaking of street vendors the guy who sells potatoes on our corner has tickets for a south africa versus mexico in the opening game. thats a lot of potatoes. i have witnessed a fist fight in the bank about ticket allocation, the big sikh won.
England arrived to be met by a commando unit armed with submachine guns who fanned around the plane and stood around menacingly. this is supposed to be because of a perceived terror threat against the English, Americans, Dutch and Danes, and i have been stopped and searched by the police near ellis park stadium in johannesburg, however the look on ferdinands face as he stumbled from the plane might suggest that it is a ploy to frighten the rest of the teams before the tournament. thanks for writing all that shite about security-the daily star, and the daily mail, you have made it so much easier for everyone else.
Today is football friday where even kids can go to school in football kits, so long as its the south african team. the more integrated areas are awash with green and yellow, but in the rich white areas if you ask about the world cup they will say "oh yeah that starts soon doesnt it?"
prices havent gone up much so i am sure Terry can still get his under-age slappers for a quart bottle of beer if no ones mrs is near to hand....